seeking clarity

i know i need to take a step back from him. i want to see him in the fall. and if i keep up this pining bull shit until then, it's not going to happen. i need to disconnect, but i don't want to. i want to stay connected to badly.
anyway, i treated him really roughly yesterday, and totally made a desperate ass of myself. i hope he's willing to see past that and give me the time of day. i feel like such an ass.
i spoke with my other ex about it today on the phone. he calls me when he's down, so i figured he would probably return the favor. it was really healing to talk to him. i know he's right; i have to keep my eye on the big picture. this dude is 92% not "the one" even though he's 99% "right now". i need to go back to my career, my friends...go back to letting go of my ex. with whom i still have not completely severed.
i am not invincible. i cannot love consequence free. i connect too deeply for that. i am not looking for surface love. i can only accept that kind of superficial love from admirers, which i have plenty of. once i connect with someone on that deeper level, if that's not reciprocated, i can't just stand there and continue to hemorrhage love.
and that's an important lesson i learned.
the end.