processing

so i just went outside and had a good hard cry about it in the garden. tried to dig to the bottom.
said things like this:
i forgive myself for loving him. it's okay that i gave someone my heart and they did not reciprocate. i can let it go. he appreciates and admires me. i love myself, regardless of whether or not other people do. i don't need his affection. last weekend was idyllic. i deserved that. it was authentic. i put my heart and soul into my love and i am proud of that. i am a special person. there is someone out there who will appreciate ALL of me.
and i prayed, a lot. in sanskrit. english translation:
may god protect us both together
may god nourish us together
may we gain energy to know the truth
may our study together be filled with light
may we not oppose each other.
ohm, peace peace peace.