the narrative

oh, sweet heartbreak. it happened for reals.
the monster broke my heart. i totally let him, in fact invited it, but i let him just the same.
he just...stopped. he probably couldn't handle my goobering emotional response to our separation. he gave me a week of "normal," and then...went away. no explanation, no warning, not even a heads up. ugh. and then he intentionally stayed just enough so i would not think he's a complete asshole. (he is.) (well, not complete...but he's definitely an asshole!!)
ahhh...anyway, i don't need to give you the gory details, but i cried for like a week and a half. and then it was my birthday. so i stopped. no need anymore. i gave him, it, his its time. ah well.. such is life!
i gotta say as much as that sucked, and i did cry like a baby, it feels soooo good to be awake again. to love, to be rejected, to recover, to know my value even when i'm so sad and can't understand why he can't see the fabulousness...i'm shiny and i know it don't know why you want to blow it, need a man who likes it rough, likes it rough, likes it rough...
so, i def stopped taking my pill. first of all, i'm not really having sex with anyone else...(more on that), so it's not like i'm gonna keep it going for august for this boy..and i'm pretty sure it's making me CRAZY. i'm sure it's a huge part of why i've reacted so strongly to everything. AND i haven't had my period in two months. i'm waiting...i'm totally convinced it's the pill, and not that i'm pregnant. i swear...it's a full moon. i should be getting it anytime now. anyway, i guess if i don't get a period in a week or two i'll take a test. ha.
my ex girl was in town for a few days. it went generally well, but she's just a hater. just like my ex. (the recent one.) i can't handle her passive aggressive comments. maybe the problem is ME that i'm too sensitive, but the bottom line is it's a major turn off.
she tried to make out with me a bunch, and did succeed in making me come one night in her big condo bed, but for much effort on my part. ah well. i'm never very good at saying no to her, and really i did want the release. and i didn't even reciprocate, i just rolled over and fell asleep. ahhhhh....
tomorrow i'm going hiking with the recent one, for my birthday. i'm really looking forward to it, we haven't spent any alone time together in forever. we've also erected some new distinct boundaries, and they seem to be working ok...so far. who am i kidding. he drunk dialed me last night sobbing. i sense a break coming.
so here i am, alone. my bff is gone on vaca for a month, which is cool cuz we can use a break but seriously, i'm gonna miss her like mad and be super bored. so bff is gone, the third friend from the march vaca is gone, the monster is gone from my life, my ex girl left town...it's quiet, vacant, spooky, lonely, and wonderful. i really want to get into this. i'm gonna dose soon too. i can feel it. : )
ahhhh...so tired. must sleep. much love. i can't believe i got over this thing about the monster. stupid boy. is what it is. and i am what i am. and i wouldn't change that!
mwah!!