people do this!

why not say what we mean, and mean what we say. i mean, don't get me wrong. know what i mean. my shit's so cluttered with metaphors you'd need...wait i won't go there. = P i'm not trying to mean or anything, but why don't people say what they mean?.... why don't i??
well i'm not playing that game any more. i told movie boy what's up. the coen brothers are exciting and everything, but he's just NOT!! hahaha. also, next time i get the shot, i'm gonna come out full on to the med student. and, the professor. (how funny is this? the professor teaches where il bello got his BA...different campus though ha!) i'm just gonna take the next opportunity to throw it out there...and if he can't handle prioritizing the bait, wtf am i waiting for.
who am i kidding, what am i waiting for. i'm waiting for the sex i've put him off on for over 3 years. i'm waiting for what i got that tiny sliver of...the fact that he has some innate ability to drive me ca-razy!!! but really...if he's not gonna, why should i stay stuck on that? i'd rather get the rejection done with so i can cry it out and move on.
speaking of cry it out, i'm having a sad day...sad day. easter..how funny is it, but i loved eating easter meats with my man. (funny cuz he's jewish ; ) it was a ritual...yummy foods & friends & wine. and now...i'm at home. i'll eat some friggin hummus for dinner. and cry a little.
vacation hangovers are tough. i come off of a whole week with my girls, an amazing interaction with a boy, and now i'm home. tough shit. i just want to smoke and smoke and smoke...and then cry just a *little* bit more.
i feel lost. i know it's temporary. i know i feel way less sad then i did just two months ago. but i do...i do i do i do. feel bad.
it totally feels like the day after taking ecstasy, or something like that. = ) my serotonin is all tapped out because of boy drug. it's been SO LONG since i had one of those. no wonder i'm in such a sad puppy-dog state.
there's other people out there. there's other people out there i vibe like crazy with. it's just that it's been a long time, so long that i forgot what it felt like. it's ok, let it go...
*a mi tuo fo*
i need to spend some time with that.