is it tuesday yet?

aahhhh...conundrum.

i feel so lost. i want my partner back. i've forgotten how we would fight and butt heads and disagree and snap. i'm thinking, maybe it was all ME. maybe i didn't try hard enough, didn't endure enough, didn't sacrifice enough. i should try it again. i should rededicate myself and give it everything.

alas, that won't do it. that can't explain the urge to see others. he's young. he's emotionally underdeveloped. he's a wonderful, loving, devoted man...who can't give me what i need.

today i work work worked alll dayyy longgg. and tomorrow i will too.

and for the first time in a while, i've been teary. not excessively, not weepy. just, you know, occasionally get teary when i think or talk about it. ugh.

my bff is hopefully hooking up with the boy tonight!!! she'll be so happy and understanding about EVERYTHING if she ends up in a place where she gets to make out with HIM on a regular basis. so i'd be a big fan of that.

honestly, i really don't think he's right for her. cuz he's just a *tad* slow. not dumb, but purposefully slow. no sense of urgency. it'll drive her crazy because she's very driven and meticulous. ah well. hopefully she'll get some hot booty out of it before she discovers that herself, and hopefully she'll get out of it satisfied and emotionally unscathed. that's what i really want for her.

BUT- it's really exciting, nevertheless, that she's out with HIM!!

i have a vacation coming up. i'll be sauntering though haunted colonial streets. perhaps get a hook up, perhaps see a beautiful woman dance naked for a little bit of money. perhaps i'll hook up with someone who thinks it's hot to watch (and pay for) me get off on a girl. anyway, my last vacation was amsterdam, and that was a delicious time. not necessarily naughty from a moral standpoint, but indulgent certainly. i hope that this trip rides the line between the two.