it's back

two weeks ago i brought it on him. it lasted a week, and we went back to the sex, the love, the caring...but not the companionship. that made it seem like we undid it. and i felt better. i hit an oasis.
and then yesterday, as i started this blog, it came back. i know it's true. i know we must sever. i saw him today, we had lunch with my mom since she's leaving town tomorrow. he's just so cute...so irresistible. i love his hair, his skin, the clothes he wears...but that still doesn't make me want to fuck him. i wish it did.
i love my teddy bear. i'm going to crawl in bed with him tomorrow night- i know it's wrong- but i'm gonna do it. and then i'm going to tell him that it's wrong and that we can't do it anymore...my god what's wrong with me. i feel so lost.
lost, tossed, and confused. i got the blues.
i wish i had some comfort. i wish i could move on. i wish someone would sweep me off my feet. i wish HE would sweep me off my feet- beg me to stay, let his love flow, always put me first, never hurt my feelings with the sharpness of his tongue.
but he will. he has and he will. i must move on. i must move on if i want to open the door for the right person to come in.
i need help. love and support. and lots and lots of help.