i sno t impressed.

i'm sleepy. yet i feel compelled to write.
i have a date with the PA lady on saturday. we're going to see my friend's drag show!! i figured that'd be a good one for us. and then 12 hours later, it dawned on me...if the right chemistry is there, i could get LAID on saturday night!!! the potential is there.
oh, and by the way, i gave my ex a bj today. seemed like the right thing to do. i certainly wasn't going to let him try to touch me. i used the excuse that we didn't have enough time to spend, and i didn't want a quickie. i want attention. which is true, but i still know that his attention won't satisfy me. anyway, he's out of town for the weekend, which is a good thing. i seem to be successful at building some emotional distance when we have physical distance. last break we had we reached a no-intercourse plateau. maybe now we can reach a no-blowjobs plateau. and getting laid last time on vaca certainly helped me create and maintain that distance...so maybe getting laid THIS weekend could help me to do that too. : )
i am SO tired though. SO tired of everything. yes the hormones, yes the weed, yes the job stress, yes the break-up stress, yes the lonely stress, yes the missing some new boy i don't know stress, yes to the mess of the stress and i'm not impressed. i digress per the mess.
my apartment is a friggin disaster. i am going to talk to my counselor about it tomorrow, which i rarely do. well, i mention it, but i don't go into detail. and i allow her to believe that she's intervened and that i have the self-efficacy to come home and DO it.
well, here's the good part. i have a friend and his girl staying over next thursday night. guests are always extremely helpful in terms of getting my visual act together. and it's not that i'm THAT far gone. it's just that i DON'T want to do it. it causes me physical pain. (almost)
i've been looking at personal ads. that's where folks start, right? look at them for a while, and eventually decide to post one of my own? i've viewed it all...from the down in dirty craigslist (i actually identified one as my friend and a second as *perhaps* this other person i know...), the free plentyofish crap, and the pay for matches and yahoos. i'd totally do it if i was bored here in my current situation. which i'm not. i'm nearly overwhelmed, in fact. BUT, when i get bored, i'm so there!!
anyway, sleepy time time. have a good night, internets.