last night

he came over last night. we traded back keys. it was sad at first...we started by fighting a bit. and crying. and then we ended up in bed.

he cried when he said bye to my kitty. i don't blame him.

when it came time for him to leave, for the first time ever i had to walk him outside, because he didn't have his own key to get out of the courtyard gate. i walked back up the stairs, feeling confident...back in the house to see what's up on my phone...honey had called and the professor had texted...and BAM it hit me like a ton of bricks.

i ran out side. he was still starting his car. i frantically unlocked the gate. i was wearing ballet slipper style shoes- no support. and awkward. he backed up, and i was gonna get there just in time. i screamed his name. he took off out of the parking lot.

he hadn't seen me! had he? i ran down the street like a maniac, sobbing and calling for him to come back. he was long gone, 30mph down the street.

i got my act together realizing i was in front of a public park, and marched back home. called. he answered. he hadn't seen me.

and he came back for one more bowl....and we said goodbye. peacefully.

i miss the piss outta him. but i'm not gonna contact him. clearly i am moving forward emotionally. i am very interested in becoming closer to other people, and one in particular.

i pray he comes back to me as his friend. i love him so much. i pray that his pain passes quickly. i release him, with love.