a dream

last night. it was me and the honey boy. it was pretty true to life, casual yet intimate conversation. we were sitting across the table from one another. i decided to leave for a moment to retrieve something- and before i left, i leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, and he kissed me. softly at first, closed mouth. then he opened up and kissed me deeply; it was beautiful. and then, it felt like his entire lips were inside me, like i was sucking him in. "ouch," he muttered. and then we kissed some more.

aside from the strange moment of "i want to eat you monster," it was really nice. felt so right.

today was his dad's memorial service. it was beautiful. it was incredible to hear all the wonderful things everyone had to say about my dear friend. and then afterwards, there was a brunch at his father's house. i went.

and it was absurd, as usual. 30 second hugs. excessive kisses on the cheek. hand holding, brushing, touching, on and on. i told him that i had a very deep love for him that grew really quickly. he said he felt the same way.

i want him. i want to hold him, touch him. our sex would be amazing. i will never cross that line...it has to be him.

i'm having him over to break the fast on tuesday. tuesday is the 9th of av, so he'll come over at sundown. i wonder what it will be like, just me and him. the same, intimate connection, with touching, expression?? i can't deal with that. i mean, i could...but it's rare. i always get closer if i get that close...

i wonder, i wonder where this will go...