i love him

it's official. i gone and done it. STILL in the safe zone, but it's out, it's clear, it's on the table. i love this boy, despite my will not to.

we're still not gonna cross any boundaries, we're still doing the excessive cuddling which is now gone quite public...and even in the private of his own home, i would never do such a thing.

his former girlfriend's sun hat is on the shelving unit, on purpose. it's on display, in memoriam. there was eye shadow in the bathroom. i can't even bring myself to ask. maybe there's a rational explanation, but...maybe not. he's not ready.

and neither am i. even though i adore him, and hope to one day be his. (that's funny how i didn't perceive it as make him mine. hmm. that's a first.) this wonderful psychic woman i met recently thinks so. it's intense. anyway, i'm not ready to be in a "relationship". not in the traditional sense of the word.

i'm gonna see the professor in just over a week. eek!! he's gonna fuck my brains out. finally, after 3 years of intense flirtation and virtual foreplay, we're going to experience that. i mean really it's going to be awesome.

anyway...shabbat shalom...the monster is calling!!!